5 Surefire Ways to Avoid the Dreaded Friend Zone

Avoiding the dreaded Friend Zone is a difficult task to muster.  With these 5 surefire strategies, you’ll be sure to avoid the dreaded friend zone.
Hookers-Women don’t marry for love anymore.  They marry for a guy with a job. And if you have a job, be sure to flaunt your money everywhere you go.  Hookers are a great way to avoid the dreaded friend zone.  For the right amount of money, you can join in carnal embrace with the hooker of your dreams.  Ironically, with hookers, it actually costs more to make their company and be in their “friend zone” than to two-pump-your-chump into their dump.

Just did the math and realized a life time of hookers is cheaper than a divorce

Guns-Be sure to carry around a big gun with you at all times.  Shoot it capriciously in public to show women that you’re both alpha and omega male to avoid the dreaded friend zone.  Let your gun be a threat in the back of their mind that you don’t accept simply being a “friend”.
A big dong- Women won’t admit it, but they all watch porn and love a guy with a big dong.  Let her know you have a big dong.  Be sure to send them pictures of your raging member constantly.  Let them obsess over it.  They might not text you back right away, or pretend to get upset, but that just women being women taking advice from other women. They secretly love receiving pictures of your dong and its just a cultural formality to hear them they say they don’t appreciate your cock shot.  So are their restraining orders.  Simply put, this is just another manifestation of “no meaning yes”.

This is what happens if you send too many cock shots.

Internet Dating-There are plenty of internet dating websites out there that will ensure you avoid the dreaded friend zone. These sites allow guys everywhere the opportunity to boost the egos of homely looking women by sending women as many unanswered messages as their hearts delight. In only a short time, watch as your once nice messages turn into angry veiled threats to otherwise normal nice girls from being consistently ignored.

The internet is also good for cats. With internet dating, your lonely ass will have lots of them.

Inter-species Love- Don’t let things like county ordinances get in your way.Find yourself a bitch somewhere.  Make love to her.  In return for just a bit of food and shelter, you’ll have a ready and willing female that would do anything for you.  Don’t fall in love.  Old dog puss is just nast.   But on bright side, you’ll never have the heartbreak of the “just friends” talk.

no, no, no, I ruff you more mush mush

The friend zone is a misnomer.  It actually means,” yeah, if you were better looking or cooler or weren’t such a douche, we’d probably bang, but since  I’m not into you, lets hang out never.  However, if you use these 5 surefire methods, you’ll never have to worry about being in the dreaded “friend zone”.

Rockefeller was a dick

Here is an excerpt from the Los Angeles Times from September 2, 1913. WORK TO DO ON HOLIDAY Rockefeller Holds that His Employees Are The Better Off By Direct Wire to the Times CLEVELAND (O) Sept 1

Work as an antidote for extravagance is John D. Rockeffeller's system, and he put the plan into operation Labor Day when all the employees at Forest Hill worked. Although a stream of holiday folk passed by the estate, the little army that ministers to Mr. Rockefellers comfort went about its tasks placidly and all unheeding.

The ground keepers diligently tended the links, the grooms and barn men went about their tasks with only an occasional glance toward their brother workers enjoying a day, off and inside the house the regular routine was followed. Rockefellers believes that working gave his employees an opportunity of saving money they would have spent seeking amusement had they been given a holiday today.

Facebook Likes

This is what I think about facebook with people liking stuff all the time!

WAL MART-MEh

I see a lot of people that are "pro business" use the term '"economy". These people who are pro business seem to like insurance companies, health care companies, and WAL-MART. Personally, I don't think these people understand the use of the term "economy". Economy is a big term with a big meaning, but is thrown around loosely. Essentially, economy is the trading and consumption of goods and services. Willing participants engage in arms lengths transactions. An argument exists that large companies like WAL-MART provide jobs, but they do not factor in account other variables that play on society. For instance, WAL MART's strength lies in the fact it uses aggressive sales margins to increase volume in it's stores. Increased volume increases overall bottom line and is used in negotiation to decrease supplier prices. Moreover, WAL-MART purchases many of it's goods overseas where American workers cannot compete. This is because our government enacts certain environmental, social (entitlement programs )and quality protections to ensure that American products maintain certain levels of quality. While enjoying the legal fiction of corporate person hood, WAL-MART acts as the class bully in school that doesn't know when to stop. A WAL-MART in a community diminishes people's chances to individually trade and consume goods and services due to it's ability to provide nearly every item at a lower price point. Hence, WAL-MART becomes the juggernaut in the neighborhood and attracts people from other communities to spend money in it's store. While some local communities may benefit from having a WAL-MART in the town by virtue of the increased tax dollars, the tangible loss may be from loss of otherwise possibly vibrant businesses. Neighboring communities, sensing that a WAL-MART is coming to town, will compete in incentives to increase the likelihood that Wal Mart will come to their town because the store indeed will produce benefits for the city. Now, when observed on the county level, what happens is WAL MART tends to depress living standards in the communities nearby. Communities without WAL MARTS will have their citizens spend the money in the neighboring towns. Instead of money flowing back into the community through local business, the money in the community is shipped back to Bentonville, and through the various Chinese suppliers that provide the cheaper goods that WAL MART sells. Hence a WAL MART redistributes a community's wealth. Because public health has a large impact on a society's productivity, WAL MART enjoys two considerable public subsidies. The first is many people who rely on government checks will tend to try to get the most value out of their money and shop based on price points. WAL MART-the community juggernaut, will tend to offer one stop shopping for all the things a person can possibly need. Well intentioned citizens believe that buying things keep the economy going, but exactly what economy?. Neighboring communities tend to suffer because they are stifled for tax revenues from their businesses, and their constituents spend in the neighboring town. The other hidden public subsidy that WAL MART has enjoyed is that it is known for offering a less than livable wage without public benefits. By styming unions, WAL MART has employed a win at all costs to keep prices low model. Backstage Sam's Club motivational literature details this same language. "Winning". Once again, health care must be examined at the county level. Communities that have WAL MARTS may have enjoy benefits from the increased tax revenues that come from a WAL MART; however, communities that do not have WAL MARTS may have to rely on public services due to the cycle of money outflows that WAL MART exacerbates. Granted, this is a not a one size fits all model as there are plenty of communities that can absorb a WAL MART, especially those in rural places where money is imported in from exported goods (think farm communities). However, in urban places where the functions of business have more integrated social effects on larger populations, there is indeed a high cost to low prices.

A post falsely attributed to Mark Twain

My biggest problem in life has been confusing the suggestive aspects of "should" against the punitive aspects of "shall". Quote Michael Nitzani 1/9/2013

Liberterians piss me off

I wrote this in discussion the other day. At the face level, Ayn Rand's Objectivism makes great points by not infringing on people's liberties, however, an issue that most of these people have is that they have a total disdain for government (which I can understand their point of view). However, the fundamental problem that these people don't seem to realize is that the world is comprised of many other people and that resources are not contrived, they in fact must be managed and shared. Left to a person's own devices, a person will act in their own best interests. The classic economic problem is the Tragedy of the Commons. This is a good example of how a resource will be plundered if a group of people act all in their own individual self interests thus acting to the detriment of themselves and the group while destroying the shared resource even more expediently than if they did not strictly pursue only their self interests. A nice example of this is a satellite image in Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth comparing the devastation of the rainforest on one country's border, and the preservation of it on the other. Or the Oklahoma Sooners with the dust bowl. In a sense, government serves to protect people from themselves or other irrational actors. Hence people not liking the Environmental Protection Agency, or the Transportation Security Administration. Granted, nobody appreciates involuntary anything, however, I think this is something that is necessary to be a functional member within a functional society. I think the problem with Rand's idea is that the kind of society she forewarns, is exactly the type of society that would occur if each individual actor appealed to their libertarian self interests within a society.

Thinking About Liberterians

I dont understand how Liberterians build buildings. A building cannot be built without planning, capital, permits, technology, and group labor. I dont think Liberterians work well in groups. I feel that in modern society, Liberterians are people that want to live in villages and enjoy this lifestyle while completely turning their minds off to the problems of the modern world. Many of them I have met have had singular world and time perspectives. Many have failed to account for historical forces. I dont think Liberterians are their own party. I think they are offshoots of the Republican party. Whenever I see a Liberterian inside a building, I think to myself, "How could you have built this yourself asshole!"

Letter to Jewish Center

Enclosed is a 10 dollar check for my grandmother. She passed away April 20, 2003. Please attach me to your mailing list.

Letter to Green Earth Vegan Cuisine

Hi,
I went to this restaurant a few weeks ago and ordered the spinach asparagus soup and the bruschetta with my girlfriend. We were notably upset with the taste of both dishes. Everything else about the restaurant was fine because the food was presented well, and the service was good, we just did not like the food.

Both my girlfriend and I tend to eat vegan and we wish to support vegan establishments.When we had expressed both visual and verbal displeasure to the male that took our money about the quality of our food, he did not pick up our cues.

Anyways, we would like to give this restaurant another try and come back. Would you be willing to compensate us for the cost of the bruschetta and and spinach asparagus in the form of a food credit that we can use? We would be happy to return tonight, or this week.

Thank you for your understanding,

Letter to Foundation Director at University

Dear

I really enjoyed meeting you. I am excited about the prospect of establishing a scholarship. With the tuition increase and the stipulation that 1/3 of tuition be redistributed to needy students, I feel like the horse "Boxer" from Animal Farm and thus it is a personal decision I'm grappling with to stay at the University.

Regardless, if I can find a job using my skillset in sociology, I would gladly set up a 10,000 dollar scholarship in my name as a return on the State University Grant I was awarded this year and if funds become available this year for another State University grant, I would be willing to create a 25,000 dollar scholarship in my family's name. It is the right thing to do.

Letter to Costco

To Whom It May Concern,
I've noticed a certain amount of Costco stores in California are losing the Hebrew Natioanl hot dog brand and replacing them with Kirkland Brand hot dogs. I am looking to learn more information about this switch.

My first impression was rising prices of hot dogs meant that a switch was in line to go to a less expensive affordable brand for consumers. But then I realized another, albeit, less likely possibility would be a kosher certification is nearly irrelevant considering all the dairy and pork being prepared in the food prep area.

It seems as if the primary market of hot dogs at Costco is for people who don't care where their food comes from or how it is materialized. These people seem to be concerned with quantity over quality.

Nevertheless, I miss kosher hot dogs!

Letter to Appeal Unemployment Decision

Enclosed is a copy of a lette that was sent to me by ___--schools which led me to believe I was elgible for unemployment benefits.

II was initially denied a claim because I work within a school district in accordance with Unemployment Insurance Code Section 1253.3. The claim denial was based on my reasonable assurance to work in _____School District the following year.

Because I cannot fully pay my bills substitute teaching, I do not consider myself primarily a substitute teacher. These three positions fully supplement each other in order so I can barely make rent. My thought process is because if one jobs falters, then I have something to fall back on. To earn a living, I must also have other sources of income. these include acting and umpiring baseball as an independent contractor.

I enjoy substitute teaching and working within the community immensely, however also need to set my sights on a job that pays a wage above the poverty level. I would like to receive benefits for the summer. Thank you for your understanding on this matter.

Letter to Girlfriend's Mom

Dear ____-
Thank you for bringing back such an authentic piece of Irish Culture. I love the Irish Derby and will wear it much. Thank you for thinking of me on your trip to Ireland. Glad you are home safe!

Letter to Gas Company

"Dear Gas Company,

I apologize. I have been hit on the head recently and am not entirely there. Or here.

This letter is requesting information to confirm that in fact I received a legitimate letter from The Southern California Gas Company.

I have had email for ten years and my email address gets all over. Fortunately I have a spam blocker, and haven’t responded to a phishing attack in years.

I am uncertain though if this is a legitimate letter. My understanding is criminals can be identified by their poor construction of the English language.

The first sentence in the letter dated May 16, 2011 sent to my address states, “Welcome to Southern California Gas Company”. I am utterly perplexed at the syntax of this letter. Why doesn’t this letter use the definite article, “the”. I imagine this would have created an unaesthetic look reading, “Welcome to the Southern California Gas Company”. Moreover, at the end of the letter, the endline states, “Your energy service provider” -13” My question pertains to is what energy and additional services can be provided before I set up an account. Why the 13? I think this may be a tell tale sign of criminal activity.

Since there is no address listed on this letter, and only a phone number, I am concerned with phishing attempts being made on my good name and credit.

I am writing this address to confirm that indeed this is a legitimate utility. If so, I am happy to establish an account, however do not want to become the victim of identity theft once again.


Thank you,
Resident "

Letter to Energizer

To Whom It May Concern,

When I was a child I used to read 50 ways a person could save the Earth. The way I saw the world, there were the kids whose parents could afford Nintendo’s and Segas and whose who played with the Tiger LCD games. Man those Sucked!

Anyways, I am 29 years old and finally able to use things like remote controls, flip video cameras, and personal body massagers thanks to rechargeable batteries.
I wasn’t able to do so before a throwing batteries is a terribled thinmg to do the environment adn Rayovacs were prohibitively expensive.

Now it is nice to see a durable brand marketing rechargeable batteries. My question is what in the world took so long?

Yours,

Letter to U.S Mint

A few years ago, I read a balance sheet that stated coins were an asset to the Federal Reserve Board, and paper currency was a liability. I am no economist, and the people that I know who do accounting ignored my request for information on the matter. My best guess is they did not have a comprehensive understanding.

I have purchased a good share of coins from the United States Mint, however do so anchored in the information that it may be a prudent investment, not for my generation, but for my grandchildren in 7 generations.

It seems like this is a loaded question full of fractional reserve policy and metal prices. Still though, I believe I can grasp this information if someone could point me in the right direction.

Yours Sincerely,

Letter to Dodger Stadium

This is a letter I wrote to Dodger Stadium.

"Dear Mr. Hunter,

I love baseball. I umpire baseball. I’ve been to professional umpire school, major league umpire camp, played to the collegiate level, attended Spring Training every year since 2003, have more books on baseball than anybody I know, collect paintings, signed baseballs and have a comprehensive understanding of the game including the ability to rattle off nearly all the World Series winners for any particular year. My current research as a sociologist is on managerial ejections.

On July 7th, 2011, I had mistakenly went to the ball park with my girlfriend because I had mistaken these tickets for July 8th’s game. I found out July 8th’s game time was changed by ESPN to 1 10 pm. Unfortunately, I had made plans to attend the Tim Burton art exhibit at the Los Angeles Museum of Art in exchange for taking my girlfriend to baseball game. She isn’t into baseball as much as me.. If I was aware of the time change in advance I wouldn’t be getting the short end of the stick. I would rather go to a baseball game any day of the year. In fact, I traded my girlfriend’s attendance for the baseball game to my attendance at the art museum.

However, I received these tickets as a nice gift for umpiring baseball from a man who appreciated my professional style in his son’s high school summer game. I had made arrangements to attend the game which meant getting a baby sitter and paying for parking. To me this was such a treat, because I just moved back from San Diego to Los Angeles after 7 years and really wanted to see a Dodger game.

I was informed by people at the top deck ticket stand, the man who operated the smoking gate, Brett Carlyle, and Judy near lot D to speak with the people in the ticketing booth in Lot D.

With each person I explained my issue with they said that the policy would not allow them to change the tickets because “the tickets had no price on them”. I get it. Each employee is trained to say this otherwise they would lose their jobs. But there needs to be someone with executive authority to make a decision to realize that the game time has been changed and this sort of information is extremely difficult to disseminate to everybody.

I am old school in the belief in doing things the right way. To make things easier, I could have easily traded my tickets for the following day’s game with one of the “I need tickets guys”. My assumption was the Dodgers would be able to take the steps to make things right.

When I had asked to speak with the ticket booth supervisor, I was appalled at his unpolished professionalism. Right off the bat, I knew he was going to regurgitate “policy” when he referred to his subordinates as pronouns (she). Moreover, as I was explaining my dilemma to him he would say things like, “I’m hearing you” while expressing no empathy. I explained to him that I could hear people speaking other languages, but what they are saying does not register cognitively and I explained that this was what Rob was saying to me as he was saying, “I’m hearing you”.

From an organizational perspective, there must be someone that understands the extenuating circumstances and the consequences of applying policy to all. While a broad policy may work for containing a lot of people, what I had asked for is an executive that could help sort things out with a win-win solution. Most upsetting about my interaction with Rob was his misleading me into telling me he was willing to make a “special exception” for me, except my tickets had no price and hence he could do nothing. From what I gathered from different Dodger employees was exchanging future tickets value for value is standard practice and he had lied to my face. In my opinion, Rob is not a polished executive with supervisory capability, but rather a glorified clerk with an exceptional ability to regurgitate information who lacks that essential critical decisive skills necessary to be a vital member of any business or organization.

The offer that Rob gave me in the ticket booth was that I could purchase tickets up until the 8th inning. As willing as I was to do this to appease my girlfriend who became agitated, I was unwilling to do so out of principle because we had tickets, however human error led us to come on the wrong day and there had to be a better solution.

I have been informed of the nature of the entertainment business by Dodger employees on the hotline that my tickets were for July 9th’s game and hence could not use them subsequently for July 8th’s game and this situation was compared to Staple’s Center.
Yet the fact of the matter remains, that there was plenty of capacity in the ball park. Dodger Stadium seats 56,000 people. July 8th’s attendance was announced at 38,529, which means there were nearly 20,000 seats in excess to seat us. The elephant in the room this season is the announced ticket sales are different from the actual attendance. Still there were roughly 20,000 seats in excess to seat us. Something to keep in mind, is there were no immediately pennant implications of tonight’s game as this was a midseason game with the Padres who entered the game in fourth place in the NL west with a 40-49 win loss record, only in front of the Dodgers who entered with a 38-51 record.

My understanding of the situation is Dodger Fans are notorious for showing up late, and leaving early, and there are lots of unsavory elements that come with them. Opening Day was an example of such elements which would naturally lead to a creation of a policy that must be strict to detail that no one comes to Dodger stadium on a free ride. But also, there are so many people just trying to make a life for themselves that love baseball who cannot afford to pay back pay on the salaries of Andruw Jones, Manny Ramirez, or lawyers for the team’s current ownership situation.

We were happy to exchange these tickets, however Rob and others indicated that these tickets “had no value”. And Rob had actually taken the tickets from us, and kept them on his side of the booth while stating we could purchase tickets for the night’s game. In his words, he simply could not give us “free tickets”. What a hoot. These tickets had enough value to grant us admission into the stadium to see a major league baseball game. These tickets also said, “VIP”. Where I come from, VIP means “Very Important Person”, however when Rob kept them on his side of the ticket booth and didn’t immediately return them, “VIP” meant “Voila In Progress”.


The beauty about baseball is it’s accessible to everyone. It unites people from all walks of life and gives people hope. Current players like Dustin Pedroia of the Boston Red Sox or Todd Coffey of the Washington Nationals do not fit the archetype molds of baseball players. The Dodgers very own Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in 1947. Flags adorn the stadium indicating the player’s country of origins. This is a waving tribute to the strength of what was a farm system that was the toast of Major League Baseball. The point is baseball serves a very important function of giving people hope, of creating a special time vacuum where a person can reclaim their youth and share memories with future generations. Unfortunately, I feel very slighted and alienated from the Los Angeles Dodgers. Fortunately, there is an American league team also in “Los Angeles”."

Posts

I've been writing letters. Two are to the courts. One is real good. It talks about a bailiff calling me "mentally stable". I link this bailiff's statement to Martin Luther King Jr, Abraham Lincoln, and Jesus Christ being mentally stable. Apparently the court celebrates all three people. They need to get polished up. I also wrote a letter to my landlord. Give me a few days and I'll post them on here.

Letter to Motel 6 (This was in email form because I didn't want to look up the address. This was hindering me from sending the letter)

I arrived at the hotel around midnight and was very tired and need to rest because our friends were getting married in Bodega Bay the next day (Monday). The downstairs clerk placed us in the upstairs room closest to the street. When we arrived at midnight, the street wasn't loud, however, I was abruptly awaken before 5am because the noise from the cars was so loud. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't and eventually gave up and started my day early around 7am. This was not the way I wanted to be rested for the wedding. Also, come to find out there were plenty of hotel rooms further in the property. I was very disappointed with the Motel 6 brand and will not recommend it. It seemed like this was more of an hourly room than anything. I needed a good nights rest and couldn't because of the loud cars off the street.