Top Five Things I learned While Working at A Credit Card Company

1) College men spend an abnormally high percentage of their discretionary income on dildos, butt plugs and beer bongs
2) Using the word "stinkies" when a customer has a problem is acceptable
3) Ensuring a customer already 40,000 in debt a third credit card with balance transfer is a good idea.
4) We technically make our most money on customers who haven't got money
5) Unless dealing with politicians, paying for things with bribery is the least expensive method
6) Were everywhere you want to be because we know your every move
7) Everything good in this world is free, we just attach prices to them
7a) were working on technology to charge people for breathing air
8) To ensure profits our bill processing machines are 94 percent accurate
9) Carrying cards is not a sign of status, its a sign on gullibility