DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE ON CNBC

I was thinking about it. A mastermind in the stock market doesnt have to worry about dressing up nice, because it doesn't matter. He is a mastermind.

Really rich executives piss me off

I was thinking that if everyone was like f-these people and just didn't do anything anymore and kissed modern capitalism goodbye, then these people would have all these units of paper and binary data points in some bank transaction system that wouldn't mean a thing.
Then they would be forced to live on the streets with everyone else.

Don't ask others what you wont do yourself.

The phrase, "Don't ask others what you won't do yourself", and then when people ask me to do stuff. Shit, can't you do it yourself.

Baseball Umpires

The whole idea of instant replay on umpires pisses me off. The best part of going to baseball games is when there is a close call, or even better yet the umpire kicks the call, someone comes out screaming, they get kicked out because they made things personal, and then it's off to the races.

To take this away from the game of baseball is communist. It's un-American. I hope Bud Selig has the cajones to tell the media to F-off. He's got the highest rated umpires in all of baseball. However, for those that don't know, baseball is the only sport where there are more officials in the playoff games, than the regular season. Moreover, during the regular season the umpires work in crews and understand each other's nuances. My completely unsolicited proposal is to have 6 umpires a game during the regular season. Let the normal four rotate. Offer minor leaguers a chance to be on a big league field with the foul line jobs. Pay them in peanuts. And by peanuts I mean six figures. This is pip squeaks for major league baseball. Or just pay the players less.

Heres a way to get a cash advance without any of the annoying interest

Purchase dollar coins directly from the United States Mint. Banks are facing very high credit card portfolio losses, while the U.S. Mint is looking to increase circulation of it's dollar coin.

In theory one could purchase coins from the US Mint on their credit card, and then not pay their credit card.

The banks don't want you to know this.

Trilogies

For instance the movie Mission Impossible 3. I thought the second one was just a fluke

Non Profits vs. For Profits

How come essential items are always more expensive at non profit co-ops than for profit businesses?

Picking up Stragglers?

why did the girl that was walking back and forth on el cajon blvd asked me for money when i offered her a ride?

Old Vs New

How come at thrift stores one can purchase new items like new trucker hats for super cheap, yet at high end stores like Macy's one can purchase items that are "designed to fade" and have old looking effects for a premium?

Whats up with Capitalism

I don't understand it's ways. Have an interaction with another person. Try to take their money for your own gain. Buy low, sell high. Mixed with emotion, it's more often than not sell low, buy high.

Capitalism is for the unemotional. It's groups of people working together to take a person's money. Each person doing their own little job, a replaceable part, unaware of the larger picture at hand. Big corporations don't make their millions off charging each individual person a lot of money, they get it through small accounts, transactions, and contracts. A nickel profit here, a dime there. A set up fee, a closing fee, a maintenance fee, a "special offer". It's very pleasant to give your money away through personalized postage paid envelopes and free online bill pay. Capitalism greets you when you walk in the door, and rushes you on your way out. Workers huddle and hurrah in the morning fearful of losing their jobs unless they arrive early, stay late, and work Saturday's. Spouses hear the grunts of their significant other's days.

Capitalism is the gift that keeps on giving. It's forecasting, projecting, reports, and cut throat. Capitalism is grown men in equipment hitting each other as hard as they can with instant replays, fantasy statistics, and jersey sales. Capitalism is a backwards chapter of a movie because as technology gets better, actors get older, and the only way to expand on a franchise is to revamp it's graphics, with younger actors rehashing a story line where the viewer already knows the ending, but the real question is what is the beginning? Capitalism allows one to travel the world. Want to telephone India. Call a 1800 number at 3am. Want cheap Chinese Goods? Go to your local store.

Capitalism is a burger king manager yelling at you for putting soda in your water cup. Capitalism is the rational choice to become obese through purchasing cheap food fast. Capitalism is paying to go somewhere to stand in line. Capitalism is the 7000%markup. Capitalism is a sales interrogation with a sense of urgency, for something that takes a while to grow like a bank account, or improving your physique at the gym. Capitalism is cash flow, leveraged buy outs, and jumping out of office windows mid day because a couple numbers don't go your way. Capitalism makes it illegal to charge your friend to give them a ride across town, but legal to charge a convenience fee.

Capitalism is the currency of faith. It's a simultaneous push and pull of each counterparty, each granting enough credit to the other with both sides achieving record profits until one side doesn't want to play anymore. Capitalism is one sided minded "consultants" with strict sales quotas, customer service, and written warnings. Capitalism is the disappearance of millions of dollars overnight, lost in a sea of numerics. Capitalism is doubling down on ones investment. Capitalism achieves a balance in the few who ruin things for the many with offshore drilling, couped up farm animals ready to be slaughtered, and fouled up air, and the many striving to be like the few with their compensation packages, yachts, and expense accounts.

Capitalism is being paid the sum of your wages with taxes taken out right before rent and other bills are due. Capitalism is for the successful liars who can look the other way. A friend once said, capitalism is when both parties walk away from a transaction feeling like they totally fucked the other person.

I guess I do understand it's ways. I was just hoping I wouldn't. Capitalism is a kaleidoscope of rationality as the irrational actor in a rational marketplace is only later perceived as a rational actor in an irrational marketplace.

Yelling Charge at Baseball Games

Why>?! Thank you for making my time that much more expensive.

Reusable Bags

I saw a reusable shopping bag at the store the other day. It was advertised as earth friendly. I think it's because it traveled halfway across the globe from China to get to my local Longs CVS Pharmacy.

Dropped off Furniture

is taking littered furniture from goodwill bins after hours and then selling for a profit morally wrong?

Something I don't trust

Now that I am without a real "job" I've been to a couple presentations. One was to sell prepaid legal services to people, the other to be a financial "consultant" and sell stuff through AIG...er I mean Sage Point.

In both presentations, and in presentations I've seen throughout the years I've always seen charts that go nothing but up. Similarly, both companies wanted me to pay an upfront fee to join them. That kinda sucked.

So, the next time I am at a presentation, even if I'm buying or selling stuff, I'm not going to post a chart with an arrow going up. They're just ploys for others to make obscene amounts of money off my back.

Why can't we come up with good technologies?

There is no reason.

As I woke up this morning and checked my phone for market news more out of habit than necessity I had a realization. Why can't the six million people who are unemployed in this country work together on projects that are great for our country, our economy, our environment.

I'm absolutely positive that with six million people working together on a wiki like project, especially with the newly added ranks from General motors and Yahoo we can work together on creating a green earth friendly energy. It can be our contribution to our planet this Earth Day.

There are things in this world that don't make sense. Like a tree bearing fruit, or grass growing in a field where a business stood twenty years ago, or an encylopedia that's been made from the masses for the masses, more accurate, focused, and in depth than ones made in private enterprise.

As a sociologist, I've observed a revolution has occured. I believe this is the logical next step. We can't depend on big companies anymore. We can't put our savings in banks. We must forge ahead bravely.

Let There Be

Let There Be

Let there be life
Let there be sprouting seeds 
Let there be peace and hopefullness in this world
Let there be spring
Let there be a place where everyone can enjoy serenity
Let there be fresh air to breathe
Let there be harmony
Let there be a place in another person's soul for everybody
Let there be an infinite world of possibility
Let there be hope
Let there be magic
Let there be glory
Let there be freedom
Let there be courage 
Let there be heros
Let there be a child's imagination
Let there be holiness
Let there be technology
Let there be wealth, and power
Let there be an alternate universe where all that can be perceived exists
Let there be school be on weekends
Let there be dark foreboding souls eager to kill people slowly
Let there be death to bunnies
Let there be consumerism, and abundant use of plastics
Let there be capitalism, bankruptcy, despair, murder
Let there be joblessness, rainy days, and pain
Let there be the blood of the many innocent shed for the gains of an entitled few
Let there be the destruction of art and welfare
Let there be others to do your bidding
Let there be a reckoning back to reality of good and hope and peace
Let there be hope
Let there be more important things
Let there be ice cream for all 

Experimental Drugs and College Students

How come the brigthest minds at america's best research universities are targeted for the most experimental drugs?

Taxi Drivers

Why not drive around a car that gets more than 8 miles per gallon?

Top Things College Admins do with their Salary Increases

Make sure all their household pets receive manicures

purchase solar panels for their vacation homes to save on energy costs

donate food to starving american households putting their children through college

personally funding a.i.d.s. "research" with a group of south american trannies

Baskin Robbins and Specialization

Specialization-It seems to me that if an entity specializes in something, they would be able to have lower prices than anybody else. Working a half hour for a double scoop of icecream is shitty

How to Reverse Bank Fees

How to Reverse Bank Fees
For the average consumer a small charge on their statement for a bank fee isn’t a big deal, but when you multiply these small charges by the millions of people with bank accounts it becomes a big deal. These charges are gravy and pure profit for the banks.

A person should never have to pay bank fees ever again.

Bankers are salesman. They are there to sell you stuff. If they can’t make a sale, then they are servicing your needs. Bankers will go through mumbo jumbo tools to make you think they can’t do anything. What the average person doesn’t know is they can override these tools. In fact it’s your duty as a consumer to make them override these tools.

The first thing a person can do is just not leave the seat by asking questions. If you have a bank fee, there is no such thing as a stupid question. Sit there and filibust until the banker offers you a solution to leave your seat. You need to walk in there with a goal of not leaving until you no longer have a bank fee. This is a silent negotiation. The bankers time is worth money. They need to sell stuff. Make them make an executive decision to get you out of there.

Example if the fee is five dollars you want removed, take up half an hour of their time. If they don’t remove the fee the first time, then come back. They’ll remember you and be a little more forgiving. They’ve got quotas to meet.

In this economy a lot of the banks are having trouble in the stock market. What you can say as a stockholder is you’ve been shafted and are riding the ship out. The last thing you want is to add insult to injury. Then following the previous advice, don’t leave, ask questions. Filibust. They will do whatever it takes to get you out of there.

Another way to reverse a bank fee is to go in under the guises of purchasing a new product like a tertiary checking account. This will make the banker salivate, but until you do, you have a couple of annoying fees. The best time to do this method is at the end of the month, or right before closing time. Believe it or not! Bankers are not wolves. They are people that want to go home to their distressed spouses, and if you don’t let them leave then they would be more than willing to help you with your silly little fee

The last method of getting a bank fee reversed, especially if it’s the pesky kind to close an account like a retirement savings is to not have any money in there. This way they can’t charge you 25 dollars or however because it just isn’t there. You can’t take nothing from nothing, and if you are you’re dealing with derivatives which are a completely different ball game.

Internal Bank Memo

Internal Bank Memo
While selling bank financial products it is most important to win and do whatever it takes. That's why when we're selling financial products we must think of who we are and who the customer is. If it's an older lady, get her out of your window as fast as you can. Do her slips, call her children, get her going on the way. Our best customers are college students and when they come your window or desk be sure to sell them a financial product. College students are most gullible for credit cards and 2nd and third checking accounts. If you see a college student has a student credit card, upsell them to a regular or even better yet a rewards credit card. The students will get the rewards which amount to 1 percent and their parents will pay the bill. With second checking accounts, be sure to explain to the benefits of being able to track their finances more easily by having additional checking accounts. Remember features tell, benefits sell. By selling these accounts and meeting your quota you can keep your job. If you exceed your quota you may be elgible for a bonus. Remember to keep your notes on your desk for when the supervisor comes by to collect your numbers every hour.

Fake Kroger PSA

This is a fake Kroger PSA
Some people think that with the recession looming it's ok to spend less money on everyday items and accept free lunches. We at Kroger want to let you know there is no such thing as a free lunch. For example, that tree you grabbed an orange out of the other day might have had someone pee on it. Do you really want to be eating urine. We didn't think so.

Thats why at Kroger our fruits and vegetables are brought to you from all over the world using indigenous methods to grow to curtail costs and maximize production. For instance, when an orange comes from the furthest parts of the world it means its probably the best. Don't take our word for it. Think about it the next time you pee on a tree. Be wary of the free lunch. Come in groups.

Government Poetry

C-Span Haiku
Old white men speaking
Big Government makes me safe
Sluts they do at night

Cessna overhead
Capitol City vacant
Century in jail

Tired Rhetoric
Old Partisan Politics
Life Wasted Away

Steroids I hear
Village Idiots astray
Damn legislation

Africans they are
Litigous men bicker
In jail they must go

Federal Agents
Beat me to oblivion
Shoudn't have said bomb

Many thank yous they state
Old men tell gruesome stories
All of them bullshit

A book I saw at the 99 cent store

It was called "Winning Texas Hold Em Poker".

Signs The Economy Is Getting Rough

common street thugs have resorted to getting jobs on Wall Street to fund their meth habit

home depot starts charging illegals to use the port o potty at their stores

like the us government, people use their tax rebates to pay off interest on their loans

even professional athletes cant afford beer in their own stadium

cops start arresting you for bribes

rent a cops have actual police training

Here's my problem with analysts and forecasts

How can they possibly be correct. Retarded. I dont know of anything thats within 1/10 of 1 percent. Like for instance of an airplane arriving wihin this margin of it's arrival time or a train or even a bus. Hell we cant even count votes to .001 percent error margin.

i was also wondering statements like, the world uses 86.4 million barrels of oil per day but amidst declining demand we forsee reduction by 80,000 barrels per day. Thats 1 percent. Thats so proposterous. Thats like saying gas at arco is 4.37 a gallon but next month i forcast it to cost 4.33 based on declining demand.

I mean, I can’t go out and analyze 16 year old girls and make an investment in time or money cause I know they’ll be hot in the future.

Beer at Ballparks

What's up with the price of shitty beer in venues named after shitty beer companies? Case in point, 9 dollar drafts at Coor's Amphitheatre. One would think the price of beer would be subsidized.

Tipping

I don't understand how people that make my sandwiches get shit for tips, but the people that get me a bottle of beer earn a dollar. Didn't the sandwich making process take a whole lot more. Don't even get me started on self serve yogurt stores.

Bankruptcy Lawyers

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a person to take the last of a person's money.

Bankruptcy Lawyers

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a person to take the last of a person's money.

Hmm...Lets think why we're in this predicament....

If corporations sell debt to outside companies for a discount, and people go into debt because things are too highly priced, why don't these outfits just sell peoples debt to the people that created it. Or in other words, lower prices.

4th highest federal employeee

Why is the President of the United States is the fourth highest compensated public employee in America trailing only the football coaches at the military academies. (Air Force, Army, Navy)

Prescription Drugs

How come when i purchase prescription drugs its the same price for a 50 mg tablet as a 100mg tablet-but whenever I pay in nickels and tell the clerk they're worth dimes I get flack.

Paparazzi

i dont understand how any of them could fashionista celebriries drive drunk. It seems like they would be accomplices if they spoiled rich girls get behind 2 ton battering rams.

Restaurants

Why at restaurants do people pay a premium for their food and drink tap water with their meal while the same people are often super stingy at the market and wont pay an extra 20 cents for an organic apple but will totall buy bottled municipally sourced water.

Why fix dogs?

My neighbor paid 599.00 for a dog, and spent 3,000 dollars performing exploratory surgery on it. Isn't it a simple question of ecomomics to just buy a new one?

Free Storage?

Free storage-If you purchase a cheap ass van, store your crap in there, then resell it within a year it's considerably less than paying 50.00 a month for storage.

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

I've been doing the stock market for the year and have made a return of $100.00 ! Since I had no money to begin with and it was all borrowed, this is an astounding infinity annual percentage rate of return.

In contrast, the average mutual fund in the same time frame has been down -1.30%, To make things simple, this equates to someone driving across the county to "save" 4 cents a gallon on gasoline. Silly isn't it?

So the next time you see me, buy me a beer. It will be an "absolutely amazing" investment for you that will knock your socks off with a an estimated breathtaking dividend yield of at least 5 percent! * Awesome!


*if you purchase at least a six pack
**Offer valid only in Los Angeles County 2-13, 2-15-21, 2-24-2/27

"This website may contain certain forward-looking statements within the meaning of Section 27A of the Securities Act of 1933, as amended, and Section 21E of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, as amended, including, but not limited to, statements as to future operating results and plans that involve risks and uncertainties. We use words such as “awesome”, “breathtaking” “estimates”, the negative of these terms and similar expressions to identify forward looking statements. Such forward-looking statements involve known and unknown risks, uncertainties and other factors which may cause the actual results, performance or achievements of your investment to differ materially from any future results, performance or achievements expressed or implied by those projected in the forward-looking statements for any reason. By no means does this exchange traded fund actually trade in stocks with such simple names as "PBR", or "POT", however if at the beginning 2007 you were so high you thought to purchase these in your online brokerage you would have made staggering 400 percent returns on your investment, which would outpace every single mutual fund.

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I learned this from the lady on the bus the other day

I was looking for stock tips. She was talking.

the amylase derivative of the coefficient function of polyethanol subsidies greatly reduces the ozonation of the third trimester's photosynthetical barriers which in turn increass the probability of streetflow traffic on mondays thursdays and fridays from7-937pm is inputted in a specially coded databse for the funding of the overthrow of the president of burma who has deep ties to the underground australia group that controls the eastern hemisphere's whole grain supplies and capacity which is run by an even bigger subsidiary of halliburton who tried unsuccessfully to artificially increase demand for its product line ultimately depressing its integral middle management trainee program because the costs of such an item put a damper on the president's wife.

Truth in Advertising Meets TV's Sweeps Week

Who wants to be a 641,000 aire?

deal or no deal
.0076
.076
.74
7.54
34.50
67.34
645.68
...568,546


190 Issue Content / Cover Ideas and Art Requests / the true monetary costs for tv game shows on: June 11, 2008, 09:00:59 AM




Who wants to be a 641,000 aire

jeopardy with the numbers-
117
285
417
554
674

The Case Against Mutual Funds

The average mutual fund is a loser and is amplified so especially in today's market climate. Why pick a mutual fund that is more than likely to be a loser, when you can easily lose money yourself.

My Hometown

My hometown is popular amongst the Asian Elite for it's reputation of excellent schools. This has led to families in asia saving up all their savings and coming into my hometown to purchase homes in the large lots and tear them down to build large mcmansions that take up entire lots. Often there will be multiple families living in these homes that were paid for in full with cash. a byproduct of these families living with multiple people in these large homes is people too old and underqualified to join the working ranks are now asked to come up with modest sums of money to pay their share of the property taxes. Some were smart and sold their homes when property values were rising, however this ultimately explains why this old lady neighbor of mine is digging through my trash.

Airline Fees

Airline Fees-How come it's an extra 25.00 to carry on extra baggage on the plane, but when I'm carrying extra baggage in my trunk I get extra peanuts on the plane.

All you can Eat Ethiopian Food

Sometimes in the Weekly Reader there are coupons for all you can eat Ethiopian Food, so how come is it everytime I see Ethiopians on television, I look like I can be all they can eat food?

Thinking about Jesus at the Bethlehem Depot looking for work

as a couple walks by him on their way to the latest items. Wife suggests, "lets not hire the weird guy". He talks too much.

Here's why Republicans should advocate universal healthcare

The system they created to allow 35 dollar viagra pills has finally got the better of them.

Best Investment. Up 200 percent since 2005

The best investment one can make is gold in ones teeth.

Selling my van

Some asian kid wanted to buy my van, so I took him in it, and he tried to talk me down and he wasted my time. After all was said and done and he made me a lowball offer, I told him those that made low ball offers sociologically speaking like it in the butt.

Bailout Whiny Baby

It seems like everyone is able to get rich off the fraactional reserve currency and derivatives, what they don't know is things are an illusion when it comes time to cashing out. Buy and hold is a terrible strategy. Buy then sell, then option, then sell is a better strategy.

I love how the market is a little whiny baby. It's like, give me 700 billion. Ok thanks. Now I'll go down now.

Wait, why do I need an M.B.A. again?

When the true lesson they teach at business school is to copy anything that has market share, and claim it as your own. Even if the idea is so absurd that it will fizzle out in a couple years. It will also make you wonder what led up to the idea, and why the hell are there two competing existing ideas that both suck.

Case in point.
1. Cartoons about ducks.
(Darkwing Duck, and Duck Tales)

2. Nanny reality tv shows.
(Super Nanny, Nanny 911)

3. Style lines in American made mid range sports automobiles
(1990 Mustang vs 1990 Camaro) (1969 Camaro vs. 1969 Mustang) This is an abstraction. 1969 Camaros are cool.

4. Really Large SUV's
2000 Ford Excursion vs. 2000 Chevrolet Suburban)

5. 5 dollar footlong sandwiches
Quiznos and Subway, Blimpie in the midst of the recession. I was getting jipped years ago. I declare boycott all and eat the fruit from the trees.

Facials on Craigslist

If Women will pay 200 dollars to receive a facial and men on craigslist will pay women 200 $ to give a facial, wouldn't it make sense for men and women to give each other what they want.

So I'm real excited about prop 2 passing last October. It means farm animals have minimum standards to extend their limbs. I think this will have unintended health effects like healthier masses of people. Some opponents of the measure were saying conventionally grown eggs would become more expensive and to this I say "ptoooey". I know nothing about keynesian economics except for the fact its oxymoronic because I sound a lot smarter when I say I know nothing about it. I digress, what I do know is I will gladly pay the extra 8cents an egg it costs at the supermarket to purchase humanely grown eggs. And the jew in me will never pay the 1000 percent markup for eggs at dennys. So kudos to california voters.

On to a more pressing issue and this is allowing animals to marry. Currently animals can't marry.

Another pressing issue is to make it legal once more to eat humans. The passing of prop 2 was a.big step and food prices will inevitably rise. At least humans will be putting better things into their body. So why not eat them.

Remember this is a deocracy for the people, by the people, that should never perish from this earth.

This is a snippet of my BAC pension plan in October

Whats sweet is I can take up to 30percent of my paycheck, and invest it, and have that matched by my employer after 1 year of working. Whats really neat is I won't have access to any of my funds until I'm 65. Theoretically, I'd be paying people to lose money for me.

So, for instance If I contribute 100.00 and put it into a mutual fund that loses 25 percent of the value I now have 75 dollars I can't access until 40 years from now.

Sweet! I love how my investment choices are all in the negative. It might take 43 muscles to frown, and only 17 muscles to smile, but it takes 323 to suck a financial dick. Oh yeah, I forgot about the taxes.

2050 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -23.86 N/A N/A N/A 16.12 09/30/2008
2045 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -23.43 N/A N/A N/A -2.30 09/30/2008
2040 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -22.05 0.92 N/A N/A 1.21 09/30/2008
2035 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -20.45 N/A N/A N/A -1.12 09/30/2008
2030 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -18.73 N/A N/A N/A 1.82 09/30/2008
2025 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -16.87 N/A N/A N/A 0.10 09/30/2008
2020 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -14.79 2.18 N/A N/A 2.35 09/30/2008
2015 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -12.23 N/A N/A N/A 1.61 09/30/2008
2010 LIFEPATH
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -9.00 3.02 N/A N/A 3.14 09/30/2008
LIFEPATH RETIREMENT
Inception Date 01/07/2008 -7.46 N/A N/A N/A 2.99 09/30/2008
Market Indices*
Lipper Income Funds Avg -22.06 -2.25 1.27 2.26 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Balanced Funds Average -27.79 -3.40 0.64 1.91 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Large- Cap Core Funds Average -36.22 -5.82 -0.41 0.08 N/A 10/31/2008

STOCK AND BOND FUNDS
Stock Investments
Large Cap Growth
GROWTH FD OF AMERICA
Inception Date 05/15/2002 -37.72 -4.65 1.94 N/A 2.17 10/31/2008
COL. MARSICO FOCEQ
Inception Date 12/31/1997 -37.29 -4.68 0.32 3.05 5.08 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
S&P 500 Index -36.10 -5.21 0.26 0.40 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Multi- Cap Growth Funds Average -40.47 -6.45 -0.44 1.10 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Large Cap Growth Fund Avg -38.55 -6.97 -1.58 -0.71 N/A 10/31/2008
Large Cap Blend
COLUMBIA LGCAP IDX
Inception Date 12/16/1993 -36.19 -5.33 0.14 0.17 6.75 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
S&P 500 Index -36.10 -5.21 0.26 0.40 N/A 10/31/2008
MSCI US Broad Market Index -37.54 -6.84 -0.96 N/A N/A 10/31/2008
Large Cap Value
DODGE & COX STK FD
Inception Date 01/04/1965 -42.64 -9.03 0.18 5.93 10.57 10/31/2008
COLUMBIA LGCAP VALUE
Inception Date 09/19/1989 -35.97 -5.32 1.70 1.63 7.67 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
S&P 500 Index -36.10 -5.21 0.26 0.40 N/A 10/31/2008
Russell 1000 Value Index -36.80 -5.24 1.90 2.79 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Multi Cap Value Funds Avg -38.75 -7.30 0.20 3.06 N/A 10/31/2008
Mid-Cap Blend
COLUMBIA MIDCAP IDX
Inception Date 03/31/2000 -36.40 -5.55 1.91 N/A 2.51 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
S&P MidCap 400 Index -36.46 -5.52 1.96 6.71 N/A 10/31/2008
Small Cap Blend
COLUMBIA SMCAP IDX
Inception Date 10/15/1996 -32.37 -4.42 3.19 5.89 6.21 10/31/2008
BATTERYMARCH SMCAPEQ
Inception Date 03/13/2000 -38.07 -8.32 -1.58 N/A 0.31 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
Russell 2000 Index -34.16 -4.79 1.57 4.90 N/A 10/31/2008
S&P 600 Index -33.26 -5.32 2.33 6.17 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Small Cap Core Funds Avg -36.97 -6.79 0.95 6.12 N/A 10/31/2008
Foreign
COLUMBIA INTL EQUITY
Inception Date 12/02/1991 -50.47 -6.06 2.13 1.87 3.83 10/31/2008
FIDELITY DIVERS INTL
Inception Date 12/27/1991 -48.04 -5.17 3.71 6.12 8.12 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
MS EAFE (Net) -46.62 -5.26 3.60 1.67 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Intl Large Cap Core Funds Avg -47.80 -5.97 2.48 1.18 N/A 10/31/2008
Lipper Intl Multi Cap Grwth Funds Avg -49.95 -5.13 2.96 2.47 N/A 10/31/2008
Specialty
FIDELITY REAL ESTATE
Inception Date 11/17/1986 -41.84 -8.68 3.45 8.33 9.04 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
Wilshire RE Sec Index N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
Lipper Real Estate Funds Avg -41.94 -8.00 3.21 8.24 N/A 10/31/2008

VANGUARD TOT STK MKT
Inception Date 05/31/2001 -36.14 -5.04 0.84 N/A -0.61 10/31/2008
Bond Investments
Intermediate-Term
COLUMBIA CORE BOND
Inception Date 12/14/1990 -3.51 1.63 2.05 3.92 5.52 10/31/2008
WESTERN ASSET COREBD
Inception Date 09/04/1990 -13.69 -1.91 0.43 3.76 6.51 10/31/2008
Market Indices*
LB Gov't Credit Bond Index -1.06 3.02 3.08 4.81 N/A 10/31/2008
LB Agg Bond Index 0.30 3.60 3.48 5.00 N/A 10/31/2008
Stable Value
STABLE CAPITAL FUND
Inception Date 01/01/1991 4.73 4.77 4.73 5.40 5.80 09/30/2008
Market Indices*
ML 91 Day T-Bill Index 2.72 4.15 3.27 3.52 N/A 10/31/2008
Ryan Labs 3-5 year GIC 4.69 4.40 4.36 5.27 N/A 10/31/2008

11% INTEREST FUND
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
8% INTEREST FUND
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
6% INTEREST FUND
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
CURRENT INT RATE
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
FUTURE PAYMENT II
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
FUTURE PAYMENT III
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
FUTURE PAYMENT I
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
INTEREST CREDIT 10YR
Inception Date N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A
Company Stock
Company Stock
BAC COM STK FUND
Inception Date 12/01/1991 -24.82 -0.67 2.76 7.22 11.81 09/30/2008

Blackmailing Potential Employers

My favorite ploy is to send them innocuous emails from a "girl", then respond back from me again, and again, and again, and let them know I'm informed of fair hiring.

Top Five Things I learned While Working at A Credit Card Company

1) College men spend an abnormally high percentage of their discretionary income on dildos, butt plugs and beer bongs
2) Using the word "stinkies" when a customer has a problem is acceptable
3) Ensuring a customer already 40,000 in debt a third credit card with balance transfer is a good idea.
4) We technically make our most money on customers who haven't got money
5) Unless dealing with politicians, paying for things with bribery is the least expensive method
6) Were everywhere you want to be because we know your every move
7) Everything good in this world is free, we just attach prices to them
7a) were working on technology to charge people for breathing air
8) To ensure profits our bill processing machines are 94 percent accurate
9) Carrying cards is not a sign of status, its a sign on gullibility

Points and Points Based Systems

Anytime anybody offers me something with points, I just don't do it. Points are evil. I don't do credit cards anymore.

Basically my conclusion is points exist to disguise a person is wasting their time and money on a concept. like at work, I have this dude that is always bugging me about shit. I'm like "dude, if you weren't so focused on your points, you'd realize it only means an extra .60cents an hour".

Boy this is getting bad

The price of King Cobra, Mr. Obama's favorite drink, will rise to an astronomical 4 dollar and fitty cent per 22oz. Siiiieeeeet.


The price of crack cocaine will go down, thereby putting another 15 million paroles back on the streets.


the price of bling will be recapitulated in margins that will be completely unsustainable for economic growth.

Rational Market Rationalization

"In a rational market the player that acts irrationally, will later be seen as the rational player in an irrational market".

List Poem about Working as a Bank Teller

I can portray my job in the same light even though its the epitome of suck

Girls
Girls
Ladies
Money
More money
Lots of money
Anger
Atm
More atm
Straight deposit
Split deposit
Broken plastic wrapper
Hard time
Cunt yelling at me
Girls
Old lady
Old guy
Turkey sandwich with avocado

Whats up with Capitalism

I know our government wants to bail the banks out because they are hoarding cash and not lending anything to anybody because of large losses on their balance sheets. Further bunk loans would cause depositors to withdraw their funds. It sux how in America people have to work continuously for thirty years to own a home. Native americans worked for like a day. This fractional system is burdensome because it ensures people are working all the time.

I'm thinking if the banks start lending again then people will borrow and spend and tax dollars will be generated. This will help fund government coffers.

What sucks is how expensive some services are. I mean dentists, lawyers, and doctors piss me off. pro baseball players piss me off too.

If people took the following steps then I think life in this country would be better.

1. Stopped charging their fast food-when people are poor and hungry they eat whatever they can. Fast food is loaded with nutritionally deficient ingredients.

If people stopped purchasing these "goods" then they wouldn't have such difficult debts to pay off.

Additionally if people just stopped using their credit cards and stopped getting enticed by free offers then interest rates on credit cards would go down because the companies would have to be more competitive.

Back to professionals. It pisses me off that people like cpas can charge whatever they want to crunch your numbers come tax time. Ideally speaking I think its best to sell certain products under the table. For example if I was a cashier at a movie theatre I would bring a bunch of kit kats to the display counter and sell them for cash.

Landlords piss me off because they insist on taking 1/r of whatever you make for housing.

Ok here's fun stuff. My name is joe blow.I make 100,000 a year. I pay 33k for my house and I pay 25' in taxes per year. Plus everything I purchase is taxed on. Groceries aren't.

Let's go back to professional baseball. I would love to see market forces take over and fans say, yknow. I'm tired of paying exorbirant amounts for beer.

Pleading Guilty at an Arraignment Hearing

Why do People hire lawyers at their arraignment hearings to plead guilty? Seems silly.

Did anybody notice in the Chinese Earthquake

relief is basically sending them the cheap shit we have them make for U.S. consumers.

Performance Enhancing Drugs

how come its ok for rafel palmiero to use performance enhancing drugs and admit it without embarassment for something humiliating like not being able to get a boner, but not ok to use them and not admit it with embarassment for legitimate performance enhancing qualities like getting stronger.

GFE Experiences

Whats up with hookers that offer gfe experiences. Its my gfe that leads me to call them in the first place.

What Super Mario will Do When He Retires

Teach a class at the Learning Annex called "Banging your head away into financial freedom"

Ugly Women, Cheating Husbands.

In the newspapers some times some women get upset and do bad things when their husbands cheat on them with other women, and then when you look.at their picture you think, "man, that woman is lucky to have a husband".

Can I help You

How come whenever someone asks me, "Can I help you", I usually end up getting in trouble. How come they just can't help me?